Rain
by Macx
Summary: small addendum to Empty Spaces, part of the Darkness Unleashed series. Thoughtful Tsuzuki ahead...


TITLE: Rain  
AUTHOR: Macx  
DISCLAIMER: not mine. Definitely not! I just play with them and hope I tread on no one's toes.   
Author's Voice of Warning (aka Author's Note):  
English is not my first language; it's German. This is the best I can do. Any mistakes you find in here, collect them and you might win a prize g The spell-checker said everything's okay, but you know how trustworthy those thingies are...  
WARNINGS: none  
TYPE: yaoi   
RATING: PG-13  
PAIRING: Tsuzuki/Hisoka  
FEEDBACK: empty inbox seeks emails g 

It was a beautiful day. It usually was here in Meifu, with the cherries in full bloom, their softly pink and white flowers stretching toward the sun. There were seasons in this perfect place, and the blossoms would one day fall, drift to the ground like snowflakes. The trees would then grow freshly green leaves, spending shade as the summer came, and in autumn, it would be another spectacular display as green turned red and brown and golden orange. It was the time the maple leaves fell, too. It was the time of parties and festivities in the Palace of Candles. And in winter, the trees would be covered in snow that also covered the ground and crunched under booted feet. Winter was a short affair, but like autumn it held its appeal. Snow storms and hail, icy cold and clear nights, stars sparkling overhead.

Still, many shinigami of Meifu loved ChiJou, the world of the living, for their seasons, too. Here, the seasons were not artificial. Here, they were randomly interrupted by rainy, cold days in summer, or warm days in winter.

On such a rainy day in summer, Kurosaki Hisoka was walking through the empty park, the rain beating down on him, coming in sheets, hands stuffed into his wet pant pockets. His feet squelched through puddles as he tried to see through the sleek curtain of water, and finally he arrived at the end of the park, walking over paved ground toward a railing.

Like back then, he mused.

Just like so many years ago. Just after the Nagasaki case. Right at the beginning of their partnership.

And like back then there he stood. Tall, slender, dark hair plastered to his head and hanging into his eyes, the black coat soaked, just like the white shirt, and the violet eyes were distant, looking at something only Tsuzuki could see.

"You're going to make yourself sick," Hisoka remarked coolly as he joined his partner.

Tsuzuki smiled a little at him.

Just like back then. Like so many times before. That calm, serene smile that hides so much. Like the happy, child-like smile, that desperately tries to draw your attention away from his pain. His hurting feelings.

Just a shield.

Just a show.

A façade.

But this time, looking at that smile, Hisoka found little of the shield there. This was truly Tsuzuki, a true smile.

"Rain is nice," the older shinigami answered softly.

"It's wet."

"And clean. It's summer rain."

Hisoka leaned against the metal rail. "It's still wet and you still get yourself a cold."

_"Think about your age. You're going to catch a cold."_

Teasing words of a life-time ago.

Another smile. "You want to go somewhere dry?"

"Preferably."

Tsuzuki turned away from the railing and began to walk, Hisoka following him. There was hardly anyone around and if at all, the rain increased. Hisoka muttered to himself. He just had to come here, right? He just had to get soaking wet! Tsuzuki had a flair for going where the weather was as miserable as the man himself!

But like a beacon calling out for him, Tsuzuki had drawn him from Meifu to this place, having him worried with his uncharacteristic silence and solitary mood. Hisoka knew that there was so much his lover needed to work through, so much he had to understand by himself, but there was even more the two of them had to understand together.

And what he felt was hardly misery radiating off the taller man. It was something else. Something that couldn't be identified yet.

He was surprised when Tsuzuki headed for an apartment building and even more surprised when he went inside, up a flight of stairs, dripping steadily, and finally opened a door.

"You rented this place?" he asked warily as he walked into the small apartment that was just large enough for one person.

"No. I borrowed it for a day or two. I needed some time away."

And now I'm here, Hisoka mused.

Tsuzuki peeled out of the sopping wet coat and began to undo his shirt. He looked at Hisoka and smiled warmly.

"There are clothes in the wardrobe," he offered. "And I don't mind that you came. I'm glad, actually."

"Oh."

Hisoka watched the tall, lean form strip, let his eyes rake over the too thin frame. Shinigami could lose weight, something that had astounded him before, while they were such perfect creature otherwise. Physically perfect anyway. He knew he himself wasn't any better either, but he had been skinny when he had died. Tsuzuki was just fluctuating. He didn't gain more weight when he stuffed himself with sweets, but he lost it when he stopped eating altogether.

They changed in silence, towelling off and slipping into warm sweats that felt like heaven to Hisoka, and were too large for his slender frame. He rolled up the sleeves.

Tsuzuki had made tea and they sat down on the futon, Hisoka Indian-style, cradling his mug.

"You really don't mind?" he asked.

"No. I'm glad."

He looked into those deep violet eyes, searching for the guilt he knew his lover would feel.

Tsuzuki had killed a man in cold blood. Not because he was a shinigami and it had been his job, but because he had lost control and taken a life at will. Not a devil or a demon, but a human soul.

And he saw that flicker of emotion.

There. Deep down.

And it felt so strange.

The whole man felt strange. Tsuzuki's emotions were so tightly wrapped around him, leaving no flickers to randomly sizzle across Hisoka's natural shields. Normally he felt Tsuzuki whatever his lover experienced. He delighted in the man's warmth, his job, his happiness, his eagerness to help and please.

Outside, it was pouring badly now. Whoever was not inside his home was trying to seek shelter in a shop, a restaurant or in an entrance way.

"Tsuzuki?" he finally broke the silence, the tea cooling in his mug.

Those incredible eyes were on him and despite the fact that he had known the man for years, that they had been lovers for years, Hisoka was still riveted by that color, by that depth. Tsuzuki held such an enormous power just with one look and he rarely ever used it. Not the puppy-eyes, no. The look that let one drown in his soul and never want to leave.

His shikigami were bound to that soul and he had more than one of them, even the most powerful of them, gaze into the amethyst eyes and bow. Never physically; psychically.

"Why did you do it?" he asked the dreaded question.

Tsuzuki's expression stayed like that for a moment, then the color of is eyes deepened and his face shifted a little until he looked sad, but not really so. It was like... compassion.

For Muraki?

"Because he asked me to, Hisoka," he answered softly.

"But it was Muraki! He could have tricked you!"

"No. Not at that moment. In that moment... I didn't talk to Muraki. I talked to Kazutaka."

"What's the difference? He was a mad man! A killer! He made you kill him!" Hisoka felt his emotions churn. "I don't care that he's dead! I'm actually glad! But he... he asked you to do it! He knew it would hurt you to take a life!"

Emerald eyes flashed and he felt his own emotions drum against his shields from the inside.

"It did hurt," Tsuzuki confessed, shifting his body so he was looking at his lover. "I hated to do that, true. It still hurts, but it wasn't like... like then... with the others..." He hesitated and a little of the insecurity and pain trickled through.

"Then what was it?" Hisoka wanted to know, trying to calm himself in the face of Tsuzuki's pain.

"Muraki was a pawn. Enma's pawn. His toy. His... pet."

Green eyes narrowed a fraction at that description.

The rain was increasing in strength, beating heavily against the windows.

"He was used. A puppet. Like he used others, Enma used him. His whole family, actually. His grandfather... the man in whose hospital I died... he did gruesome experiments on people, even his own family, wanting to created something perfect, something special, something that was me and not me. He had my DNA... my blood... my skin... everything."

"Muraki's powers," Hisoka murmured.

"Muraki lived off life from others," Tsuzuki continued. "It was his gift and his curse. He would have been a wonderful doctor, but the insanity... the need and blood lust... it was engineered. He was a toy. He couldn't but do what he did. And when Enma saved him from Touda's fires... he only prolonged a life that he had granted. Enma had killed the Muraki family one by one, not wanting them to get too far in their successes. Their pinnacle of all experiments was Kazutaka. His brother was just a side product."

Hisoka listened, riveted.

A low growl from outside told him that the rain had developed into a thunderstorm now.

"Muraki was mad. I never doubted that. Mad and cold and calculating, and he was desperate and wanted to be free, but that was Kazutaka. I talked to Kazutaka before I took his life and set his soul free. I talked to the soul, not to the mind." The violet eyes were deep and filled with sadness. "It was his only way out, Hisoka. I gave it to him. If I hadn't... Enma would have taken him back. He would have been nothing more but a pet again."

"A puppet," Hisoka breathed, shivering.

Tsuzuki reached out with one hand and ran gentle, caressing fingers over Hisoka's bare forearm. "I know you hate him for what he did to you," he murmured. "I hate him, too. I hate him for the pain and nightmares. I hate him for the deaths and the senseless killings. I hate him for... the manipulations. But I couldn't let his soul cry out and ignore it. I couldn't ignore the only moment in his life that he was himself."

Hisoka gazed at the fingers resting on his pale arm, an arm no longer marred by the curse that had covered his body.

"I took his life," Tsuzuki simply stated. "To free him."

Hisoka nodded slowly. He felt none of that heavy, smothering guilt from his lover, but something still weighed on that powerful soul.

"Tsuzuki," he murmured and placed the mug onto the floor, pulling the taller man to him.

Tsuzuki slid against him and Hisoka marvelled at how different this Tsuzuki was from the one he had fought against.

A riddle, he mused, sliding his hand into the dark hair. You'll always be a riddle that I'll never solve. Or I might take a lifetime to do so.

"Thank you," his lover breathed.

Hisoka's caress stopped for a moment and frowned. "Whatever for?"

"Stopping me."

Hisoka mentally switched gears, rapidly changing into a different track. "I didn't stop you," he murmured.

"You did. You stopped me from hurting everyone any more than I had already done. You can do that. You alone."

He frowned. "What are you talking about?" he demanded. "I can do no such thing. I was lucky. Your defences were already weakened. You were exhausted. Touda, Watari and Tatsumi..."

Tsuzuki sat up, smiling faintly. "You can touch me, control me... stop me," he whispered.

"Touda can. He has the link."

"So can you."

"Tsuzuki! What are you talking about? Only Touda has access to your mind like that!"

Tsuzuki caught his hand, entwined their fingers, squeezing gently. "You destroyed my shields."

"No!"

He couldn't. He knew he couldn't. Tsuzuki was terribly powerful. He was on a level Hisoka could never dream to reach, and facing him, when his power had been fully triggered... it had been terrifying. He had acted on instinct, flinging a powerful lance of empathic power at his lover. True, Tsuzuki had collapsed, but he had recovered to fight again. Touda had been the one to finally bring him down in a fight Hisoka would probably not have survived.

"Yes," Tsuzuki insisted again. "You are powerful." He leaned against the startled shinigami. "I don't mind. I trust you. Like I trust Touda."

"But I didn't do..." Hisoka protested weakly.

Emotions wafted around him and Tsuzuki angled his head to brush their lips together. "You have no idea how much control you have over me," he whispered.

"I..."

Those eyes were to drown in.

"You make me human, Hisoka."

"You are human, idiot!" he snapped angrily, a long-ago argument coming back.

_"If I'm not human... what am I?"_

"With you... always."

"Tsuzuki...!" Hisoka put some annoyance into his voice.

"You're my protection," he murmured. "Against what lies inside me. Against what I will be one day."

And suddenly those emotions were clear. No longer such a jumble of guilt and sadness. There was fear. Fear of what Tsuzuki had seen himself as. He could remember it all, he could still taste the thrum of the power inside him. Not just his inherent darkness but the thing that had wanted to come out; Enma-Daiou.

"You protect me against him," his lover repeated feverishly. "I need you to be human. Touda is my counter-weight; you are my shield."

Hisoka embraced him tightly.

"Don't let me lose myself again."

"I won't," he promised. "You won't be him, Asato. Never. Even should you come into this... this... inheritance," because it was just that, "you'll never be him."

Tsuzuki laughed softly and it sounded like a sob. "You don't know what it means to touch that power."

"No power can overwhelm a mind and enslave it!" Hisoka declared angrily. "Look at Genbu. He's the Emperor now. He's not some kind of cold-hearted creature!"

There was a moment of silence, then Tsuzuki nodded. "No, he isn't."

"See? And you won't be like Enma either, idiot. You'll never be like him!"

Hisoka felt himself shake from his emotional upheaval. The very thought to lose such a warmth and love to what Enma-Daiou was... it scared him; terrified him.

"Never," he breathed. "And I'll be your shield."

You're so much more powerful, he thought. And still you ask for my help. I'm... honoured, Tsuzuki. Very much honoured.

He could understand what the now eleven Commanders had felt when they had been bound to this man. It was powerful, humbling, so wonderfully positive and strong. Hisoka needed Tsuzuki.

Tsuzuki had made him human in turn. He had made him feel. He had given him back his life.

"I love you," he murmured. "Thank you for everything."

Somehow they had ended up lying on the bed, Tsuzuki's head on his chest, his arms around him. The taller man pushed himself up and gazed into the emerald eyes, smiling so warmly it chased away whatever cold had remained from the rain. Hisoka let himself fall into that gaze, that warmth, that smile. He felt his barriers thin, felt  
Tsuzuki all around him. He was gentle. Like a peaceful lake. Sure, there were disturbances in the depths, but nothing painful.

The empath reached up and placed his palm against the smooth cheek, smiling to himself. So many years since their first meeting, since his forced revelation what he was. Since hurting Tsuzuki when his shinigami magic had lashed out at the man who had so badly overwhelmed his senses back then. With anger.

The anger was still there. The broken soul would never heal completely. There would always be cracks. But there was also the healing that had taken place already, the mending, the love, the acceptance. Tsuzuki had grown so much, had become so much more, had reached a level where he could handle the darkness and not break down in horror from it.

Hisoka reached for that darkness now, aware that it could hurt him badly, and ran a smooth, mental touch over it. Tsuzuki's eyes widened and he shivered.

"Hisoka..." he stuttered.

"All of you," the empath replied softly, lowering more shields. "I love all of you. And this will never be Enma."

Another touch. Another shiver.

Tsuzuki was trying to withdraw, realizing that his lover's shields were suddenly so very low, deliberately low, but Hisoka didn't let him. He could sense the intention, the worry, the fear, but he wouldn't let go.

"You took away my curse," he murmured as he let his hand slide from the smooth cheek to the strong shoulders, over the clothed chest, and finally he began to undo the buttons. "You saved me. I need you. I'll always be with you."

It was a vow; a promise.

He had made it before. In that dark alley, looking into a tear-stained, bloody face, looking into a destroyed, violet eyes that was already healing. He had looked at a man almost broken by his discovery, by Muraki's words, and he had made a promise.

_"Even if everyone before you goes away... I alone will stay by your side.. Tsuzuki..."_

He whispered the words again. Out loud. Just loud enough for Tsuzuki to hear them and he saw the smile. That radiant smile that Tsuzuki's shikigami craved, that he himself needed so much.

Hisoka's hand encountered smooth skin and he let his fingers explore the familiar planes of a form chest, hearing Tsuzuki's breathing hitch a little.

"I want to be with you now," Hisoka whispered into the next kiss.

For the first time without the burden of the curse. For the first time... free... It had been too long since they had been this intimate, this private. The Palace of the Candles had given them privacy, sure, but Tsuzuki had been too rattled and shaken, drawn between being there for Hisoka and Touda, then finally the other shikigami that had been told the truth. He had been there for everyone, but he had given himself little consideration.

Hisoka planned on changing that. He knew the eleven shikigami loved their master, but Hisoka was Tsuzuki's lover.

"Asato?" he whispered a question.

His answer was a wave of complete warmth, adoration, mixed with need, mixed with such love it flooded him. He gasped, clinging to the taller man, pulling him close, sealing their lips.

Outside, the rain was no longer beating so viciously against the panes. It had slowed a little, but there was no sign of it stopping within the next minutes. Many people finally hurried home, drenched already or getting drenched not much later as they tried to get to the next bus station or subway.

Inside the apartment, two men lay entwined in their embrace, bodies warm against each other, resting. Hisoka felt each breath of his lover, each beat of his heart, and he splayed his fingers against the curve of his ribs, letting the emotions flow into him. He felt like he was floating within those sensations, losing himself, but he was still firmly anchored to the man he loved.

_You make me human, too_, he thought. _You alone, Asato. You alone._

He didn't know if Enma-Daiou had ever planned their partnership, didn't know if this had been part of his manipulations. Hisoka only knew that his own need to discover who had killed him with the curse had led him to this place, here and today, with this man. Tsuzuki Asato, who had never been able to keep a partner for more than a few months. And now... it had been years. Almost a decade.

He smiled.

He remembered Tatsumi's words; words that had made no real sense at that time. The Shadow Master had claimed that only he, Hisoka, was able to take care of Tsuzuki, be his partner, be there for him. There was only one and that one perfect person was Kurosaki Hisoka.

It had taken a while for him to truly understand. He did now.

Snuggling against the nude, spent form, feeling so pleasantly exhausted and sated, too, Hisoka let his thoughts taper off.

Whatever the future would bring them, he would be there. There was no other place for him to be.

_Because you're my partner._


End file.
